Underlying self-loathing: A cry for help! | CMCS Nepal
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Underlying self-loathing: A cry for help!

Underlying self-loathing: A cry for help!

Colored intaglio prints by Charles Le Brun and J. Pass depicting the facial expressions of sixteen emotions. Source: Wikipedia

Underlying self-loathing: A Search for Assistance

” I feel like I’m a hopeless case of self-loathing, doomed to a life of never truly being able to connect with someone or give and receive love.”


Why is it that we so often persistently declare hate for ourselves? Is it our inability to accept ourselves for exactly who we are? Could it be the pressure we face to live up to the ever-enforced ideals of beauty created by our society, or maybe even just the sheer subconscious comparison of ourselves to others at every turn? Hate is an emotion that lies in a void, one that we may outwardly express, yet few of us can honestly say we genuinely loathe another. Do we hate ourselves when professing such a sentiment? Is there real resentment behind this? 


Profound self-hatred can stem from a damaging cycle of low self-esteem, starting with a deep-rooted traumatic experience during childhood, which may lead an individual to internalize the notion that they are not worthy of being valued compared to others. This thought may further manifest into a devastating belief that something within them is irredeemable, that no one will ever love them. This sense of self-hatred can also exist as a sign of clinical depression or a personality disorder. When bouts of self-loathing and angst become overwhelming, there is a danger of turning to damaging practices as a way of masking intense and unpleasant emotions.


Living with loathing toward oneself can be disastrous to one’s well-being, having to endure the criticism of an inner voice that continuously belittles one’s looks and behaviour, resulting in not feeling worthy and believing that they’re not enough. For this reason, they’re often left feeling unwanted and lacking compared to their peers. This infliction of mockery causes a sense of disapproval from their environment, leaving them feeling utterly undeserving of any admiration when they leave home. The hostility they feel for their features can be overwhelming as if all sorts of admonition were deserved for having such features in the first place. This sentiment can be so unspeakably vile that its notion is too difficult to grasp. It seems as if destiny has placed them in a situation that requires suffering because of their physical being. To spite this torment, they may seek revenge on themselves.  People often engage in self-sabotaging behaviour, as if trying to make up for their unalterable features. Some indulge in physical forms of self-harm to maintain a sense of humanity, while others are indulged in mental torture until their tolerance can no longer be supported.


The destructive fallout of being harshly critical of oneself cannot be denied when it comes to one’s worthiness. Seeing one’s reflection in the mirror and feeling nothing but negativity can bring about a dejected spirit. It can be unbelievably draining not to have the ability to fully appreciate and esteem oneself. Often, people come to believe that they are not worthy of love due to the inner workings of the mind, promoting the idea that nothing can alter their belief that they are unsatisfactory. Despite the passionate declarations of faith and love from loved ones, it can be tricky to let it sink in. When you feel that nobody can love you, it is hard to believe that someone could ever love you. Even with all the sincere professions of affection and more from those one loves and holds dear, it can be challenging to internalize it and believe in it. When one is feeling like no one could ever care for them, it can be difficult to let in the thought that somebody could, and the feeling is even more intimidating when one has never truly experienced true love. Maybe they may have encountered someone who genuinely cares, but how can they be positive that they are not going to vanish again?


It’s disheartening to see how many individuals look to the approval of others to help them feel worthy and content. These people are actually prisoners of their own thinking. Unable to be alone with their own inner judge that evaluates their every move, they become so busy trying to make sense of their thoughts that they don’t understand how little power it has over them. This critic engraved within them is likened to a parasite, for it feeds on the ideas and views of others, as well as our own. This internal voice they haven’t the foggiest how to be comfortable in their own skin, being hectored by this internal judge. They don’t realize they lack autonomy over these thoughts that bombard them. This inner critic is like a hitchhiker, only it gets its sustenance from other people’s musings, in addition to our own. It is this part of us that evaluates us and rates us against the standards of others. It endeavours to tell us how we ought to act and think. Often, the mechanism behind self-doubt could be interpreted as one’s conscience. For example, it may give warnings of things one should not do, echoing what their conscience says. However, this mechanism is quite contrary to what is good for the individual. Rather than preventing one from going past the limit, it will provoke them to drink and then take an excessive amount of criticism for doing so.
Therefore, being filled with self-hatred can be hurtful and should be addressed in order to live a fulfilling life.



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